FREE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM SEPHORA

A poem.

I turn 35 today. In lieu of a newsletter, I present: a poem comprised of copy-and-pasted subject lines and sentence fragments, each pulled from a different email I received this month — sent by beauty brands, by PR reps, by news outlets, by newsletters, by colleagues. A snapshot of the times. (You can read my previous “inbox poems” here, here, here, here, here, and here.)

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FREE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM SEPHORA

Something like ten years ago

You were

Age 25 — When The Root of Skin Aging Starts!

Since then, the journey has

brought

aromatic flowers

sun exposure

marriage and divorce

oceans of

exquisite

pain.

a new love,

strange and sublime.

bare skin

thicker bones

sexual desire, moral education, social mobility, death, mourning, gossip, betrayal, and art.

In short,

the meaning of being.

But

living also

means

allowing gravity to pull everything south at an accelerated rate

thinning lips

thinning hair

unwanted wrinkles, drooping, swelling, hollowness, hyperpigmentation and sagging

is it worth it?

This board-certified plastic surgeon says

No.

A Free Birthday Gift From Sephora:

the most advanced anti-aging and preventative formulas on the market.

Anti-Aging Serum

Anti-Aging Oil

Triple Power Anti-Aging Moisturizer

NEW Cooling Metal Tip Anti-Aging Eye Cream

MicroCurrent technology

Microneedling

LED light

lasers

chemical peels.

This is the point of

you

now.

Botox is no longer taboo

Botox is a tool to help areas like the forehead, glabella (between the eyebrows), and crow's feet.

Connect to your purpose:

reverse fine lines

freeze time

Fight!

Invest In Your Neck!

(As we age, the fibers acting as the glue that hold our dermal layers together starts to loosen.

The neck develops more wrinkles - these can be up to 5x deeper than on the face.)

And the thing is?

You Need To

slice

off

your

skin.

a Six-Figure Facelift

involves going under the superficial muscular aponeurotic system to vertically lift the tissues to the desired position

For An Ageless Effect.

Of course, there is

another way to

remain

ageless, to

Defy middle-age clichés.

God in Heaven

has obtained certification in Anti-Aging technology:

become an

Instant Angel.

Long Marvelous Dying—

perhaps an unconventional birthday present for a woman in her thirties.

is it worth it?

If your skin has lost its youthful glow,

This board-certified plastic surgeon says

Yes!