MEDIA ALERT

A poem.

During the Met Gala on Monday night, news broke that the Supreme Court plans to overturn abortion rights. In lieu of a newsletter, I present: a poem comprised of copy-and-pasted subject lines and sentences, each pulled from a different email I received between May 2 — the first Monday in May — and May 3, 2022; sent by news outlets, by beauty brands, by PR reps angling for press coverage. A snapshot of the times.

MEDIA ALERT

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This year's Met Gala theme is

glamour from the Gilded Age:

opulence and luxury

unhappy marriages

bitter misery

and drama.

Kim Kardashian Wore Marilyn Monroe's Dress

Kim K went blonde

“I’m spending the whole day just dyeing my hair, 14 hours straight,” she says laughing

It is misogyny enshrined.

***STYLE ** ALERT ** STYLE ** ALERT ** STYLE ** ALERT***

Leaks suggest Roe v. Wade

the landmark 1973 decision

will be overturned, banning abortion in most US states.

We need to mobilize millions of people to

Express outrage

then

Smooth expression lines for supple, plump skin.

(No matter what, skincare is of the utmost importance.)

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America’s Post-Roe Future

must include

Mascara 

Lip Balm 

Lipstick

Invisible Lip Liner (to avoid any bleeding)

Mandelic Acid

The $8 Serum That Got Katy Perry Met Gala Ready

medical-grade collagen masks

microdermabrasion using a diamond-tipped wand

Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy Treatments

Eye Cream

Eye Shadow Palettes

Blake Lively’s Bronzer

and

a portal to a new world.

The mission is to embody the infinite potential of makeup.

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Fight!

Fight for abortion rights

Fight the signs of aging

Fight frizz

Fight active breakouts

We are looking at a humanitarian crisis.

Beauty

is a necessity.

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It’s clear that Roe v. Wade will be overturned this summer

—what comes after?

Easy

you just

Keep your skin glowing all summer long.

This Was Always The Plan.

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There are

two executions on a single day in America

sometimes courtesy of plastic surgery procedures.

Ah,

the right to bodily autonomy!