I've been slooooowwwly working on my mom to get her to stop reflexively saying, "You're not fat!" when I say something about the fat I do, indeed, have. Which I have no problem with and actually kind of enjoy. I say, "Mom, just let me be fat! It's not a bad thing!"
I am late to this issue but I just want to say that my mum encouraged me to get a labiaplasty when I was under 18! Luckily I had a smart GP who didn’t take kindly to bullshit. I also have hereditary dark eyes; every time I feel insecure about them I look at pictures of myself as a cute af toddler and think about if she was my daughter, would I say that to her? Nope! Over the years I have tried to cultivate a love for myself as I am naturally (I don’t wear makeup, rarely curl my hair); this column and an incredibly loving fiancé have helped to strengthen those thoughts. As always, thanks for your writing Jessica!
Jessica: the last line you wrote was **everything** — nailed it!! Also, I’m stealing your “I’m just fat” line for the next time someone mentions my tummy - HOW PERFECT!!!
Seriously what is WITH people (and in my experience, nearly 99% of the time men) announcing, usually with concern, “Oh, you look tired!” And usually within the first 2 seconds of an interaction. I got this a ton after I stopped wearing makeup, from male coworkers primarily. Never have I told anyone other than my 3 YO fighting a nap that they looked tired. It simply is so rude and unnecessary.
most of my self-image anxieties have also come from my family, and as a 29yo i often find myself in meaningless but somehow really nasty arguments with my mother telling me to wax the hair around my belly button ‘if i really love her and respect her’…i try not to give into the immature tactics, i try to keep the answer to a simple ‘no’. ‘why?’ ‘because i dont want to’ — unfortunately that brings out more histrionics, ‘so you’re just saying no to piss me off, then?’ the truth is that there is no winning. i cannot influence my mother to stop nitpicking my appearance because i cannot delete the fear she has that i will not being accepted by the world and get hurt. i am not able to show her that the hurt from being dismissed doesn’t even compare to the lifelong slave labour i would have to do to live like she wants me to, i am not even able to leech that ideology out of my own head so far. i have to accept that this will be a war we have to wage for as long as we live, and maybe take a zen outlook on its existence idk
I loved this column ❤️❤️gave me some ideas on what to say to family members of my own x
you're so hardcore and i love it-- death is the only real security, you're right!
The last line was hilarious! I always forget how much these procedures cost!
Yeah, the sticker shock is real
I've been slooooowwwly working on my mom to get her to stop reflexively saying, "You're not fat!" when I say something about the fat I do, indeed, have. Which I have no problem with and actually kind of enjoy. I say, "Mom, just let me be fat! It's not a bad thing!"
I am late to this issue but I just want to say that my mum encouraged me to get a labiaplasty when I was under 18! Luckily I had a smart GP who didn’t take kindly to bullshit. I also have hereditary dark eyes; every time I feel insecure about them I look at pictures of myself as a cute af toddler and think about if she was my daughter, would I say that to her? Nope! Over the years I have tried to cultivate a love for myself as I am naturally (I don’t wear makeup, rarely curl my hair); this column and an incredibly loving fiancé have helped to strengthen those thoughts. As always, thanks for your writing Jessica!
Jessica: the last line you wrote was **everything** — nailed it!! Also, I’m stealing your “I’m just fat” line for the next time someone mentions my tummy - HOW PERFECT!!!
Seriously what is WITH people (and in my experience, nearly 99% of the time men) announcing, usually with concern, “Oh, you look tired!” And usually within the first 2 seconds of an interaction. I got this a ton after I stopped wearing makeup, from male coworkers primarily. Never have I told anyone other than my 3 YO fighting a nap that they looked tired. It simply is so rude and unnecessary.
most of my self-image anxieties have also come from my family, and as a 29yo i often find myself in meaningless but somehow really nasty arguments with my mother telling me to wax the hair around my belly button ‘if i really love her and respect her’…i try not to give into the immature tactics, i try to keep the answer to a simple ‘no’. ‘why?’ ‘because i dont want to’ — unfortunately that brings out more histrionics, ‘so you’re just saying no to piss me off, then?’ the truth is that there is no winning. i cannot influence my mother to stop nitpicking my appearance because i cannot delete the fear she has that i will not being accepted by the world and get hurt. i am not able to show her that the hurt from being dismissed doesn’t even compare to the lifelong slave labour i would have to do to live like she wants me to, i am not even able to leech that ideology out of my own head so far. i have to accept that this will be a war we have to wage for as long as we live, and maybe take a zen outlook on its existence idk