as someone with severe skin problems who has a compromised skin barrier, i have occasionally considered writing something about all the things i hear from influencers/beauty industry that are in direct opposition to what dermatologists have told me. i find it really disturbing.
Ick. Ick. Ick! A meme I once saw said “No man ever said:
‘She’d Be So Hot If Only Her Eyelashes Were Longer...” and it couldn’t have been more spot on.
Honestly, at the core men could give a shit about her donut glaze skin (just put a donut between your legs, cheaper, quicker). Her gyrations and her skincare line, in the end, are mostly to impress other women in her socio economic group, she just hasn’t realized it yet. Still, snark aside, I so hate to see young women waste so much energy and money on all this when in 30 years they’ll figure out (hopefully) it’s mainly genetics and sunscreen. God, if cosmetics companies put as much effort into sunscreen technology as they do into all this other shit...we’d all be equally almost perfect. Great piece Jess, as always!!
What's crazy to me is also how long it takes skin to adjust back to something healthy — e.g. i have a decent # of tattoos and the daily moisturizing i do as part of the healing process for the first 2 weeks usually means that, while the tattoo gets moisture from whatever i put on it that is necessary for its own healing as wound, the surrounding skin is SO so dry for a lot longer. It usually take 2-3 more weeks for the skin around it to settle.
This is of course why it is so easy for companies to sell us things: people want instant results, and something that takes multiple weeks to adjust to is nowhere near as appealing as selling a 'miracle' in a bottle. it's so depressing, and makes it hard to break out of the cycle.
As someone who has an oily complexion, I’m always confused by the obsession of those who want to be “dewey”. On a side note I remember when those little face mattifying papers came on the market to soak up our face oil. There was even an article of which take out napkins were the best substitute. I didn’t like that trend because I felt if I was pressing hard enough to soak up any oil, wasn’t I just pressing some back into my skin and clogging my pores?
First of all, wanted to say I’m such a fan, and that your writing feeds my soul and takes me back to the 15-year-old version of me that wanted to question every idea that was being pushed on me about what it means to be a woman. I don’t really have a question - more so that I’m curious what you think about the situation I find myself in, which is to know what you’re saying is true, and agree with your viewpoints, but to also give into the cultural pressure by getting things like botox and filler and using retinol. I fully agree with all of the above and am working on reminding myself that marketing is intentionally making me feel shit so that I buy, buy, buy... but on the flip side, I'm aware that if I take steps to look a certain way, it's advantageous for me in almost every aspect of my life (career, relationship, socially). And as much as I have so much anger about the situation women find themselves in when it comes to choosing to conform to beauty standards or stand strong in opposition -- I still feel like, if at the end of the day, all my friends are getting botox and I don't, they'll have the last laugh when they look younger than me when we're in our 40s, 50s+
i personally don't have any thoughts to share about that situation — i'm not in the business of telling people what to do, but rather, of exposing the truth about beauty culture and beauty treatments so that people can make their own informed decisions. if you're fully aware of the risks of these products and procedures (both to you, physically and psychologically, and to the collective/the people around you, in terms of perpetuating beauty culture) and you still want to participate, then it's on you to work out how you feel about that and draw your own boundaries!
I feel the same way! It is an ongoing process to unlearn the messages we've been subjected to for decades. (The Unpublishable has probably helped me more than any other resource.) Even though we know it's "superficial" to change our face to look younger, it can benefit us socially, as you mentioned. I have to remind myself that we shouldn't HAVE to "perform beauty" as Jessica calls it. So for me, I feel the social pressure, but I also think about the other things I could do with that money. I can't remember if it was in this space or somewhere else that I read that every person who gets botox, boob job (me), or filler, hurts the greater collective because now there's more pressure to conform. I just have to focus on the fact that looking younger doesn't mean I get to BE younger and I surround myself with people who don't care what I look like and who focus on things other than my face.
Surround yourself with pictures of older beauty that have never seen a filler, there are lots out there. Personally, I find that faces with filler, botox etc look uncanny, and I mean that in the original sense of something strange, which you can't explain but which gives you a sense of unease. You can do this; you can break the trend! Other friends who are feeling the pressure will benefit too. I'm in my 40's and it's happening around me too, so I do understand, promise, but you can be the strong one.... : )
I shouldn't have been surprised about moisturizing. as someone with dry skin I now am having that crisis. Wait do I stop applying lotion to my body? how do I help my skin just do its thing?!?! :D
i usually recommend a 28 day "destressing" period with no skincare to allow your skin to re-regulate — then you can see what "issues" need addressing (i.e., maybe your skin is inherently dry and needs a little moisturizer) and which "issues" were reactions to too many products
I have the same question. I'm 64 and have some sun damage on my arms and hands. I keep trying heavier moisturizers to no effect. Should I stop? During the cooler months I try not to shower every day, but in summer it's difficult. Perhaps concentrate on the smellier "bits" and leave the rest alone?
i usually recommend a 28 day "destressing" period with no skincare to allow your skin to re-regulate — then you can see what "issues" need addressing (i.e., maybe your skin is inherently dry and needs a little moisturizer) and which "issues" were reactions to too many products
I want to learn more about how moisturizer makes things worse. I clicked through to the Prevention article and it seems to say that not all moisturizers are bad, but I’m not really sure how to apply that info to my life. I have eczema and lots of chemical/environmental allergies, and in general I avoid putting anything on my skin that I don’t have to. But, and at my doctor’s direction, I do use some specific moisturizers (Aveeno Eczema and Vanicream) and they do make my skin better! I think? Or is it something else and I’d be better without them?
i think what you're describing here is a completely different issue — you're dealing with a treatment for a legit medical concern as directed by a doctor, not trying to look like a glazed donut. also, nowhere in this article do i suggest that all moisturizer is "bad" — it's very specifically about applying too much external moisture with the goal of appearing wet!! i don't think you need to be concerned
I did dig into the Prevention quote, because as someone with super sensitive skin who's had some misadventures with the US medical system, it was a little freaky! Prevention doesn't cite specific articles, but I *think* the British Journal of Dermatology one was using a moisturizer common in the UK that has sodium lauryl sulfate in it (wtf?!) and the Acta Dermato-Venereologica article said that it was only "high lipid" moisturizers that made skin more irritable. Whew. Thanks international journals for making articles publicly available!
Also, as a person who's allergic to everything, I do love this blog. I feel so much better that I won't end up with hideously aged and cancerous skin because I'm allergic to retinol creams and sunscreen.
That last line hit me in the best way possible. Your writing is so informational and so profound at the same time. I always leave with something new to ponder or a new emotion to investigate. Thank you for that <3
I use coconut oil to moisturize my body and just water to wash my face and that seems to work for me. I’d love to know your opinion on the use of coconut oil for our skin?
A lot of this feels like misplaced mysticism to me (not your commentary on it, the trends themselves). The desire to be consumed, devoured, merged, is a holy idea I believe, but its holiness precludes selling it. The animals, if allowed to, will eat us all. No one is denied. No body is insufficient to be food for other bodies. No one is not beautiful enough to be returned to the earth. The separation is the fake thing, and they have to run fucking fast and hustle hard to make us believe in it. Thank you for your work, Jessica, you're blowing them out of the water.
I just finished Elise Hu’s “Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital” and she discusses this trend (which started years ago in Seoul). It’s a great read and helped me unpack the misogyny around beauty trends like this. And I love how much she quoted you, Jessica!
I love the connection between male gaze and sale gaze.
the hypercommodification of our lives means we are all commodities. Our looks, our lives are now 'brands', our hobbies are 'hustles'.
"We buy products to become products. We consume to be consumable." wow YES! So well stated.
as someone with severe skin problems who has a compromised skin barrier, i have occasionally considered writing something about all the things i hear from influencers/beauty industry that are in direct opposition to what dermatologists have told me. i find it really disturbing.
so disturbing!
I would love to read that.
thank you for saying that-- maybe one day
Ick. Ick. Ick! A meme I once saw said “No man ever said:
‘She’d Be So Hot If Only Her Eyelashes Were Longer...” and it couldn’t have been more spot on.
Honestly, at the core men could give a shit about her donut glaze skin (just put a donut between your legs, cheaper, quicker). Her gyrations and her skincare line, in the end, are mostly to impress other women in her socio economic group, she just hasn’t realized it yet. Still, snark aside, I so hate to see young women waste so much energy and money on all this when in 30 years they’ll figure out (hopefully) it’s mainly genetics and sunscreen. God, if cosmetics companies put as much effort into sunscreen technology as they do into all this other shit...we’d all be equally almost perfect. Great piece Jess, as always!!
OMG, I can't handle anymore celebrity skin care or makeup. It's all too much!
IKR?! I’m sick of it all. I knew it was bad when even Brad Pitt came out with a skincare line.
What's crazy to me is also how long it takes skin to adjust back to something healthy — e.g. i have a decent # of tattoos and the daily moisturizing i do as part of the healing process for the first 2 weeks usually means that, while the tattoo gets moisture from whatever i put on it that is necessary for its own healing as wound, the surrounding skin is SO so dry for a lot longer. It usually take 2-3 more weeks for the skin around it to settle.
This is of course why it is so easy for companies to sell us things: people want instant results, and something that takes multiple weeks to adjust to is nowhere near as appealing as selling a 'miracle' in a bottle. it's so depressing, and makes it hard to break out of the cycle.
such a great point
As someone who has an oily complexion, I’m always confused by the obsession of those who want to be “dewey”. On a side note I remember when those little face mattifying papers came on the market to soak up our face oil. There was even an article of which take out napkins were the best substitute. I didn’t like that trend because I felt if I was pressing hard enough to soak up any oil, wasn’t I just pressing some back into my skin and clogging my pores?
First of all, wanted to say I’m such a fan, and that your writing feeds my soul and takes me back to the 15-year-old version of me that wanted to question every idea that was being pushed on me about what it means to be a woman. I don’t really have a question - more so that I’m curious what you think about the situation I find myself in, which is to know what you’re saying is true, and agree with your viewpoints, but to also give into the cultural pressure by getting things like botox and filler and using retinol. I fully agree with all of the above and am working on reminding myself that marketing is intentionally making me feel shit so that I buy, buy, buy... but on the flip side, I'm aware that if I take steps to look a certain way, it's advantageous for me in almost every aspect of my life (career, relationship, socially). And as much as I have so much anger about the situation women find themselves in when it comes to choosing to conform to beauty standards or stand strong in opposition -- I still feel like, if at the end of the day, all my friends are getting botox and I don't, they'll have the last laugh when they look younger than me when we're in our 40s, 50s+
i personally don't have any thoughts to share about that situation — i'm not in the business of telling people what to do, but rather, of exposing the truth about beauty culture and beauty treatments so that people can make their own informed decisions. if you're fully aware of the risks of these products and procedures (both to you, physically and psychologically, and to the collective/the people around you, in terms of perpetuating beauty culture) and you still want to participate, then it's on you to work out how you feel about that and draw your own boundaries!
Thank you for your response!
I feel the same way! It is an ongoing process to unlearn the messages we've been subjected to for decades. (The Unpublishable has probably helped me more than any other resource.) Even though we know it's "superficial" to change our face to look younger, it can benefit us socially, as you mentioned. I have to remind myself that we shouldn't HAVE to "perform beauty" as Jessica calls it. So for me, I feel the social pressure, but I also think about the other things I could do with that money. I can't remember if it was in this space or somewhere else that I read that every person who gets botox, boob job (me), or filler, hurts the greater collective because now there's more pressure to conform. I just have to focus on the fact that looking younger doesn't mean I get to BE younger and I surround myself with people who don't care what I look like and who focus on things other than my face.
Surround yourself with pictures of older beauty that have never seen a filler, there are lots out there. Personally, I find that faces with filler, botox etc look uncanny, and I mean that in the original sense of something strange, which you can't explain but which gives you a sense of unease. You can do this; you can break the trend! Other friends who are feeling the pressure will benefit too. I'm in my 40's and it's happening around me too, so I do understand, promise, but you can be the strong one.... : )
I shouldn't have been surprised about moisturizing. as someone with dry skin I now am having that crisis. Wait do I stop applying lotion to my body? how do I help my skin just do its thing?!?! :D
more info here: https://jessicadefino.substack.com/p/feral-girl-summer-skincare
i usually recommend a 28 day "destressing" period with no skincare to allow your skin to re-regulate — then you can see what "issues" need addressing (i.e., maybe your skin is inherently dry and needs a little moisturizer) and which "issues" were reactions to too many products
I have the same question. I'm 64 and have some sun damage on my arms and hands. I keep trying heavier moisturizers to no effect. Should I stop? During the cooler months I try not to shower every day, but in summer it's difficult. Perhaps concentrate on the smellier "bits" and leave the rest alone?
more info here: https://jessicadefino.substack.com/p/feral-girl-summer-skincare
i usually recommend a 28 day "destressing" period with no skincare to allow your skin to re-regulate — then you can see what "issues" need addressing (i.e., maybe your skin is inherently dry and needs a little moisturizer) and which "issues" were reactions to too many products
Thank you!
I want to learn more about how moisturizer makes things worse. I clicked through to the Prevention article and it seems to say that not all moisturizers are bad, but I’m not really sure how to apply that info to my life. I have eczema and lots of chemical/environmental allergies, and in general I avoid putting anything on my skin that I don’t have to. But, and at my doctor’s direction, I do use some specific moisturizers (Aveeno Eczema and Vanicream) and they do make my skin better! I think? Or is it something else and I’d be better without them?
i think what you're describing here is a completely different issue — you're dealing with a treatment for a legit medical concern as directed by a doctor, not trying to look like a glazed donut. also, nowhere in this article do i suggest that all moisturizer is "bad" — it's very specifically about applying too much external moisture with the goal of appearing wet!! i don't think you need to be concerned
I did dig into the Prevention quote, because as someone with super sensitive skin who's had some misadventures with the US medical system, it was a little freaky! Prevention doesn't cite specific articles, but I *think* the British Journal of Dermatology one was using a moisturizer common in the UK that has sodium lauryl sulfate in it (wtf?!) and the Acta Dermato-Venereologica article said that it was only "high lipid" moisturizers that made skin more irritable. Whew. Thanks international journals for making articles publicly available!
Also, as a person who's allergic to everything, I do love this blog. I feel so much better that I won't end up with hideously aged and cancerous skin because I'm allergic to retinol creams and sunscreen.
That last line hit me in the best way possible. Your writing is so informational and so profound at the same time. I always leave with something new to ponder or a new emotion to investigate. Thank you for that <3
thank you so much <3
I use coconut oil to moisturize my body and just water to wash my face and that seems to work for me. I’d love to know your opinion on the use of coconut oil for our skin?
coconut oil is super nourishing! lots of vitamins and minerals that support the skin barrier and microbiome in there. look for coconut oil that's cold centrifuge extracted though, i use this one: https://starflower.com/extra-virgin-coconut-oil-de-coco-creme-cold-centrifuge
Thanks for the reply, this stuff sounds amazing but is quite pricey so worth it though right?
Oo with the last line 🫡😮💨
Is it just me or does that first photo of her covered in “milk”, low to the floor, looking back, look super porny?! 😬
Not just you. I had the same thought. It’s gross.
A lot of this feels like misplaced mysticism to me (not your commentary on it, the trends themselves). The desire to be consumed, devoured, merged, is a holy idea I believe, but its holiness precludes selling it. The animals, if allowed to, will eat us all. No one is denied. No body is insufficient to be food for other bodies. No one is not beautiful enough to be returned to the earth. The separation is the fake thing, and they have to run fucking fast and hustle hard to make us believe in it. Thank you for your work, Jessica, you're blowing them out of the water.
I just finished Elise Hu’s “Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital” and she discusses this trend (which started years ago in Seoul). It’s a great read and helped me unpack the misogyny around beauty trends like this. And I love how much she quoted you, Jessica!