This hit so hard for me. I've been so unsatisfied with my appearance my whole life. I remember crying at 11 because I had cellulite and the prettiest girl at camp had perfect tanned everything and smooth strong legs and arms.
I'll never know if it was natural. But that is my point. I shouldn't have been crying the summer before 6th grade because I was certain I was ugly and would never be whoever I thought I was at 10.
I was teased in 6th grade for still having body hair (by my peers). I went home and borrowed mum's razor and tried to rid myself of the offending hair. I didn't know what I was doing. I went to deep and had this scar for years. The mark has faded but the memory remains.
I'm 40 now. I battle between my ability to say yes to things I want and severe restriction. I have an eating disorder. My appearance still makes me so I satisfied I will cry.
I'll never get plastic surgery. I'm so desperate to be perfect that I will be hooked to the needle and the knife. I'll never be "enough". Pretty enough. Smart enough for any partner/boss/friend. It's hard to live with, knowing you won't be perfect because no one is.
But I still put that unattainable standards to myself.
I didn’t even notice the typos. :) I can relate so well to what you said. The older I get, the slightly better I get at not caring about all of the exhausting beauty/thin efforts. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know i still sometimes whisper your words ‘ugly people have sex!’ to myself at times — not because i am trying to tell myself i deserve to be loved, but to try to bring myself down from a subconscious expectation to look like and to attract sexy hot people always. i use it as a catch and kill button, to switch off the brainwashing and touch grass
Beautifully said. This young woman - and all of us here - are lucky to have you.
This hit so hard for me. I've been so unsatisfied with my appearance my whole life. I remember crying at 11 because I had cellulite and the prettiest girl at camp had perfect tanned everything and smooth strong legs and arms.
I'll never know if it was natural. But that is my point. I shouldn't have been crying the summer before 6th grade because I was certain I was ugly and would never be whoever I thought I was at 10.
I was teased in 6th grade for still having body hair (by my peers). I went home and borrowed mum's razor and tried to rid myself of the offending hair. I didn't know what I was doing. I went to deep and had this scar for years. The mark has faded but the memory remains.
I'm 40 now. I battle between my ability to say yes to things I want and severe restriction. I have an eating disorder. My appearance still makes me so I satisfied I will cry.
I'll never get plastic surgery. I'm so desperate to be perfect that I will be hooked to the needle and the knife. I'll never be "enough". Pretty enough. Smart enough for any partner/boss/friend. It's hard to live with, knowing you won't be perfect because no one is.
But I still put that unattainable standards to myself.
The typos are maddening! I cannot edit
I didn’t even notice the typos. :) I can relate so well to what you said. The older I get, the slightly better I get at not caring about all of the exhausting beauty/thin efforts. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know i still sometimes whisper your words ‘ugly people have sex!’ to myself at times — not because i am trying to tell myself i deserve to be loved, but to try to bring myself down from a subconscious expectation to look like and to attract sexy hot people always. i use it as a catch and kill button, to switch off the brainwashing and touch grass
this makes me so happy to hear :) :)
Thank you for including my answer 🥺
So beautifully written x