51 Comments
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Jessica Carter-Ogle's avatar

My mind is blown by this. The consumption, the consumerism, all for what?! I sort of read this in fast forward as a list of everything you were saying and my mind swirled. I remember Cucumber Melon and buying a packet consisting of a wipe that was called pheromones and putting that on my neck prior to going to a club. I had completely forgotten about that memory. What was my end goal? I didn't even like men invading my personal space uninvited and gyrating...yet I put on the pheromones. It took 40 years of ups and downs and all arounds, but I'll say I am finally me. No added pheromones. No added anything. Its glorious. I hope one day it doesn't take 40 years to just say no to all the nonsense.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you for sharing this <3 How could I forget Cucumber Melon??

ACQ's avatar

The best part of getting older is the just saying no

Amelia Gray's avatar

I see myself in this and it is poetry. Thank you.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you so so much <3

Katie's avatar

this might be one of the best pieces of yours. and i love ALL OF THEM.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you, Katie!!

Hurley Winkler's avatar

I have been trying to wrap my head around these same feelings for years. Thank you for helping me feel less alone.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you Hurley xx

Kelly's avatar

Good lord you are on FIRE. The way this awakened all those early aughts memories for me, except with the awareness now that we were literal children when they made the intentional choice to market this shit to us, makes me want to vomit. America has always been okay with sacrificing its children I guess, whether it's to capitalism or gun rights lunatics or any other horrifying thing.

I also had a random flashback to some website in the late aughts that would rate women's attractiveness? Like you submitted your picture and got rated? Am I hallucinating this or was it real?

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you! Researching all of these trends was definitely a mindfuck lol. And you're definitely not hallucinating that site!

J_'s avatar

Hot or Not? I'm sure there were copycats too

Stephanie Pérez-Gurri's avatar

Maybe this is weird to say but I love you very much. Thank you for your brilliance. And for seeing us.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

It is not weird to say, I love you and your writing and your friendship and your insight and appreciate you so so much!!

Jessica Martinez's avatar

I see myself in every line of this. Thank you so much for writing it and for sharing it with us. THIS is the kind of analysis (and so beautifully and hauntingly written!) that I crave and what makes my subscription to The Unpublishable worth every cent. I hope you never stop writing. <3

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Wow, what a compliment. I really really appreciate that xx

Rosemary Mac Cabe's avatar

Ouch. This hit home so very hard. It also prompted me to buy Leslie C. Bell's book, so thank you for that. The commodification of women and how very VERY early it starts has always been horrifying, but this explained it so very clearly.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you Rosemary! Let me know what you think of the book xx

Jordan Smith's avatar

This is phenomenal. I am so glad I found you, and The Unpublishable - such brilliance. Thank you!

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you so much Jordan <3

Manders's avatar

This is very "Beauty Myth," in the best way. That book and Backlash were the backbone of my feminist awakening. It really sucks that Naomi Wolf's mind has taken the direction it has.

Thank you for this.

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Ugh I totally agree. I loved that book and her latest writing is so disappointing.

Julie's avatar

I also thought of The Beauty Myth.

Glad to have recently discovered you JdF!

Julie's avatar

*The dessert lines - I also remember Victoria’s Secret having the same thing in these years - provide exactly the “correct/safe” kind of consumption. Slap the fake frosting on your skin, but don’t dare eat a real cupcake.

J_'s avatar

Damn

rusure's avatar

Beautiful writing.

Julia A's avatar

Yes. Thank you for making this connection (and in the most beautiful and visceral prose to boot). Consumption and literally being consumed! Gahh!

Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you for reading!!

Nurse Sylvia's avatar

Excellent writing. Blown away.

Valerie Monroe's avatar

Consumerism! Brilliant! xo

Carla S.'s avatar

A beautiful essay that brings me back to my own teenager years and how little agency I had around the objectification of my own body and how adhering to the beauty and sexual standard meant being desirable and therefore being of value. It fills me with regret, with sadness, with anger...and I worry for the other teenage girls out there and those following them as it all only seems to be getting worse...or is that me being pessimistic?