70 Comments
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Linnae Hamilton's avatar

Don't grownups understand that everything you say to a child goes straight to their hearts? They have no defenses yet.

I'm so sorry for your loss Jessica.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you xx

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Linnae Hamilton's avatar

"I wish one man in my life had seen me as a human being and not a series of disappointing body parts." This sentence made me cry.

I hope you learn what the birds meant, please share if you do. Birds are messengers.

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Lizzie C's avatar

Brutiful ❤️

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thanks Lizzie xx

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Asha Sanaker's avatar

This is gorgeous. Defiant and tender all at once. Thanks for sharing.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you so much Asha x

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Cassandra Leigh's avatar

Oof...breathless! And this: “I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t care about you, I still don’t, although I wish I did.” - Like a story all on its own🖤

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thanks Cassandra!! <3

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Sarah Schwartz's avatar

I remember being so proud as a teenager when my grandfather told me women were beautiful in one of two ways: either striking because of the way their features fit together, or arrestingly beautiful, and that I would be the latter. I am so thankful to teach my teenage daughter what a load of BS all that kind of talk is. ❤️

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Damn. I'm glad your teenage daughter has you <3

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Stephanie Pérez-Gurri's avatar

My heart is aching in the best way possible. That’s what your writing does to me ❤️

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you Stephanie! You know the feeling is mutual!!

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Dayl Constance's avatar

Oh, Jessica, how I love your writing. Your fierce independence and integrity are admirable and although I am much older than you, I am empowered by your perspective and encouraged regarding the future of humanity when I read your words. Keep on shining that light. ❤️

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you so so much <3

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Solveig's avatar

Such a heartfelt piece. My Italian grandma always asks me on the phone “how are you? are you beautiful?” As if they were the same thing…

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Damn. That hits

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Thea Button's avatar

I so get this, everyone has an opinion, wear it up, wear it down, wear it natural, wear it straight and no matter what you do, someone (particularly someone you are related to) thinks you should have done it the other way. The thing that I am (slowly) coming to realize is that I have to do what feels good to me because I’ll never make everyone happy so I may as well just make me happy. Your writing is a great reminder to all of us that we are not a sum of our products, but full people that exist wholly in our bodies whatever those bodies and features look like.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

I love that reminder <3

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Tascha's avatar

Best money spent in months, upgrading to a paid subscription for your wonderful writing. I've been slowly going back to read all your past posts but today's piece really wrenched my emotions.

Thank you Jessica.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Ahh thank you so much Tascha!!

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SammySue.com's avatar

Oh my,

If only those who wielded so much over us when we did not understand, we’re still around when we did?!?!

Thank you so much for this glorious window into you and into a culture that does not know what to do with itself.

By culture, I do not mean Italians, I mean people in America who are doing their best to fit in.

Our wounding goes back through so many generations. They too were hurting.

Do we ever get to the center of the tootsie pop?

I hope so.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

It's so true — so many generations of pain.

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Tracie Jansen's avatar

Whoa. Powerful, evocative and beautiful. And I'm sorry he made you feel less-than.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you Tracie x

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Cris Pearlstein's avatar

Shit, man. This is good.

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you <3

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liz bentley's avatar

Wow. Thank you for this, Jessica. ♥️

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

Thank you for reading xx

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Mia's avatar

it's not you, it's the Avian flu -- but also, symbolism

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Jessica DeFino's avatar

I mean... yes

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Elise's avatar

Gorgeous writing. Thank you so much!

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