OMG….nothing makes more more mad towards the “wellness” and “self-help” communities than this idea that you/we have complete control over our (mental and physical) wellness. That is such a privileged and nearsighted and damaging and victim-blaming and shaming idea it makes me want to scream. (And screaming is putting it mildly.) I am a meditation instructor, and I even have Masters in Applied Meditation, and I cannot tell you how many times in a day/week I have to push back against that privileged idea. That concept lets so many systems, structures, bad actors, and just plain luck of where and when you are born, off the hook. It feels like it actually serves really awful systems: marketing, capitalism, racism, diet culture, misogyny, homophobia, classism, child abuse (actual abuse, not Texas’ version) etc…because if we are blaming ourselves for our un-wellness then our eyes are diverted from the larger systems at play at best, actually serving those systems (and people) in their abuses at worst. Investing in a wellness practice like meditation CAN be a tool for more clearly seeing how little control we actually have and for clearly seeing the suffering around us and more clearly motivating us to create active change towards more equitable control for everyone. But only If we are able to allow the discomfort that comes with seeing those things. Maybe feeling “peace and bliss” right now is NOT an answer, maybe feeling the pain of our lack of control and the pain of oppressive systems operating in our world today, maybe feeling “unwell” with all this IS an appropriate empathetic human response. Maybe it’s what we need to feel right now because it reveals our humanity. I have been actively pushing back against this “we have control, it’s all about our own internal perception” trope all week, and I am tired. But, I’ll keep pushing.
Oh, yes. That was totally clear. I actually came back on here to say thank you for posting this poem. I realized in my fervor that I neglected to say thank you, that your perspective always feels like a validating exhale to me. Like maybe I am not a “crazy-too much-angry woman,” or maybe I am and there are others like me because its a legit thing to be. Anyway, thank you.
No need to thank me! Thank YOU for being here and for engaging!! It makes me so, so happy that my words inspire an exhale or anger or anything at all :)
Brilliant. So clever. In the same vein, last month Fidelity sent me an email, this is for real, wait for it -- telling me to celebrate Black History Month by reviewing my retirement account.
Mar 3, 2022·edited Mar 3, 2022Liked by Jessica DeFino
Thank you for this... From a very scared and worried Europe, all the false cheer and promise of endless improvements on the Self seem grotesque at this point - even Oprah's praising of ,,Courage as the greatest value" made me barf. So thank you. Xxx
Absolutely brilliant! I came across a phrase in the current feminist book I am reading (The Rise of Enlighted Sexism) that I thought you'd appreciate: beauty-industrial complex. It definitely feels like the beauty industry is comparable to the military-industrial complex. It is after all, an ever hungry monster that never stops growing.
Yes, I love that phrase! Writing about it in my book :) There are so many similarities, least of which: The fact that we've literally declared war on our bodies. Fighting fine lines, battling acne, banishing blemishes, combatting aging... Ugh.
I am really looking forward to your book! :) It is quite violent language that we use to describe the actions we are supposed to take in order to be beautiful. And it is also just exhausting to be bombarded by it all, all the time.
OMG….nothing makes more more mad towards the “wellness” and “self-help” communities than this idea that you/we have complete control over our (mental and physical) wellness. That is such a privileged and nearsighted and damaging and victim-blaming and shaming idea it makes me want to scream. (And screaming is putting it mildly.) I am a meditation instructor, and I even have Masters in Applied Meditation, and I cannot tell you how many times in a day/week I have to push back against that privileged idea. That concept lets so many systems, structures, bad actors, and just plain luck of where and when you are born, off the hook. It feels like it actually serves really awful systems: marketing, capitalism, racism, diet culture, misogyny, homophobia, classism, child abuse (actual abuse, not Texas’ version) etc…because if we are blaming ourselves for our un-wellness then our eyes are diverted from the larger systems at play at best, actually serving those systems (and people) in their abuses at worst. Investing in a wellness practice like meditation CAN be a tool for more clearly seeing how little control we actually have and for clearly seeing the suffering around us and more clearly motivating us to create active change towards more equitable control for everyone. But only If we are able to allow the discomfort that comes with seeing those things. Maybe feeling “peace and bliss” right now is NOT an answer, maybe feeling the pain of our lack of control and the pain of oppressive systems operating in our world today, maybe feeling “unwell” with all this IS an appropriate empathetic human response. Maybe it’s what we need to feel right now because it reveals our humanity. I have been actively pushing back against this “we have control, it’s all about our own internal perception” trope all week, and I am tired. But, I’ll keep pushing.
Yes, totally agree. Hopefully the overall tone of this post made it clear that I DO NOT think you have complete control, lol 🙃
Oh, yes. That was totally clear. I actually came back on here to say thank you for posting this poem. I realized in my fervor that I neglected to say thank you, that your perspective always feels like a validating exhale to me. Like maybe I am not a “crazy-too much-angry woman,” or maybe I am and there are others like me because its a legit thing to be. Anyway, thank you.
No need to thank me! Thank YOU for being here and for engaging!! It makes me so, so happy that my words inspire an exhale or anger or anything at all :)
And now you have become...the Allan Ginsberg of the beauty industry.
Better perhaps, lol.
Ha! Stop it ;)
Brilliant. So clever. In the same vein, last month Fidelity sent me an email, this is for real, wait for it -- telling me to celebrate Black History Month by reviewing my retirement account.
I can believe it! The brands are out of control.
Yeah, that part where they say review, then donate 75% of your acct to HBCUs must've dropped off...
Have you read Kate Baer's erasure poems? This reminds me of the method she used to write her book "I Hope This Finds You Well". Both excellent!
Yes, I love her! What a compliment, thank you!!
Thank you for this... From a very scared and worried Europe, all the false cheer and promise of endless improvements on the Self seem grotesque at this point - even Oprah's praising of ,,Courage as the greatest value" made me barf. So thank you. Xxx
Thank you, Sandra. Your words always mean so much to me. Sending you love from all the way over here xx
…. I love u
❤️❤️❤️
Absolutely brilliant! I came across a phrase in the current feminist book I am reading (The Rise of Enlighted Sexism) that I thought you'd appreciate: beauty-industrial complex. It definitely feels like the beauty industry is comparable to the military-industrial complex. It is after all, an ever hungry monster that never stops growing.
Yes, I love that phrase! Writing about it in my book :) There are so many similarities, least of which: The fact that we've literally declared war on our bodies. Fighting fine lines, battling acne, banishing blemishes, combatting aging... Ugh.
I am really looking forward to your book! :) It is quite violent language that we use to describe the actions we are supposed to take in order to be beautiful. And it is also just exhausting to be bombarded by it all, all the time.
Bravo. The perfect combo of LOLs and cringe, loved it! 👏
Thank you!
You nailed it. Thank you for perfectly highlighting this insanity.
Thank you <3 <3
So creative, so genius.
Thank you! It's all I can manage until I dig into Writing Down The Bones ;)
Jesus Christ
My thoughts exactly