Thanks for sharing this more vulnerable side of yourself. It's always good to be reminded that people we respect and admire -- for their intellect, their integrity, their values -- are sometimes subject to the same insecurities and moments of weakness as we are!
hahaha amazing. i just shaved my legs for the first time in over a year because of the extended family i’d have to see over thanksgiving. was i in pants the whole time? pretty much. was it worth it?? i have no clue!
I got warm on thanksgiving, and changed into a skirt. did i hear an uncle making a comment about me having shaved just quiet enough to plead innocent but just loud enough that he knew i’d hear it? yes. i ignored him but like...i knew my hairy legs bothered you people!! even though they do not bother me okay!
Then there were all the comments about how i “look so good!!” aka I’m smaller than i was last year but ppl i was healthy at both weights! and you haven’t seen me in months why not ask me about something interesting!! i was polite in those sTuPid conversations but have been yelling at them in my head ever since!!! maybe i’ll write an angry letter post of my rant this week 🫠🥲 I still think about that amazing one you wrote to your grandpa and posted😫👏🏼
God this essay was good and funny!! Love really is like that. Not necessarily related to love, but I can’t tell you how many times I used to feel off because I put in a ton of effort and did all the ~beauty standards~ and like. . . absolutely nothing happened. Not a damn thing.
I remember doing “spells” with mud and flower petals as a little girl. Feels like the beauty industry co-opted that witchy impulse to sell me petroleum.
I've felt this feeling, loving someone so much that it soaks into every part of your life and becomes heavy and hurts not to say it or be told in return. I have no wisdom, just compassion. You deserve love!
We will be on call!! But also, this story was relatable in the sense that I got a specific ear piercing in college because I thought it would signal a guy to finally fall in love with me. Didn't work 🤷♀️
This really resonates. We convince ourselves that beauty can be an armor and keep us safe or make us as charming as we're told it makes us. . . and alas. I have some nail polish at home, but I haven't painted my nails in a year. . . don't know when/if I'll ever start again.
How nice that you are in love. I believe love turn your hormones north into your brain where those who like and love you chalk these little acts of craziness up to being in love.
Take advantage of this time and forgive yourself all acts that are normally foreign to you. And remember, loving someone makes you naturally beautiful!
I know you didn’t ask but can I share! Jojoba oil, one of your mistresses, has always retrieved my nails from nail salon visits. I simply cannot go without them becoming weaker, either! So I just... don’t go anymore. Thanks for teaching me that (obvious) lesson btw. I learned from “the salon life” on YouTube last year, about strengthening my nails so they’d stop painfully breaking. While the channel does support the beauty labor of “clean pretty nails” it has honestly gotten me to finally be polish-free, albeit with “pretty” nails, while also greatly increasing the strength of my nails! Side note, I overused jojoba oil on my hands when first learning about its amazing strengthening properties and my skin started ITCHING if I didn’t reapply constantly. I had to taper off to 1x a day. Reaaalllyyy honed in a lot of your articles about leaving our skin TF alone. Anyway! Thanks for sharing and also making other cowards feel less alone! You’re loved from all of us!
I bit all of the nail polish off of my wedding manicure on the three hour ride to the venue. I really wanted sparkly gold nails and my mom insisted on a boring pink. That was 5.5 years ago and I havent had another since, and only partly because i also love a man who does not care how my nails look.
I totally knackered my nails having a manicure because I saw everyone else around me with one. I’ve been polish free since... I love my naked nails and won’t be going back!
I love this, and you, and I have also done that to my nails and chewed it off in under a week. Your writing is so powerful, and beautiful- just like you. (also, the postscript made me lol).
I ditto Tracy’s comment. I read you because you open up and tell truths. But I’m starting to believe it’s ok to do things for self confidence. As an aging woman, it’s definitely about my neck, as Nora Ephron said, but it’s also about my crooked lower teeth that have relaxed just like everything else in my body. And it’s about my hair color fading and yes, my aging hands. So if I splurge on a good manicure and pedicure, and someone massages my legs and arms, and I don’t have to worry about chipped nails, I feel more confident and forget about my neck!
For sure, and I don't feel like I'm saying "It's bad that I did this, no one should indulge in beauty ever" or anything like that. I just wanted to highlight the absurdity of why I did what I did and the gap between what I wanted and what it got me? Maybe I need to be more clear in making fun of myself lol. I'm worried everyone reads my little personal essays (which I think are funny and a touch absurd) as sad and/or scolding!!
This share was real, raw, funny and -so timely for me! I'm dating someone and experiencing the same exact thoughts about love and is he? and will he? and when will??... and then absolutely witnessed me ask me; why don't you say it if you're feeling it?
There is a part of me that is enjoying those feelings - the leading up to- that I'm relishing in and don't want to rush. There is also a small part of me that is 'cowardish' and even that is fun to witness.
Lastly, thank you for all your work. I appreciate you ❤️
This feeling here. I’m constantly making fun of myself in a way I find funny, ridiculous, full of appreciation and compassion for myself, and making absolutely no commentary on other people’s choices. But there’s inevitably one or two comments that feel like pity, offer advice for the thing I’m teasing in myself that I actually like, or think I’m laughing at anyone other than myself. I’ve deleted many a post because humorous, loving self-deprecation is my general mood and it embarrasses me when I’m read as serious or needing reassurance. I think the takeaway for me is that I can be as clear as I’m capable of, and I can still be misread. I love your writing. I always feel so seen!
i was thinking the other day about what it means to perform gender and perform beauty, and thinking that the act of performing is not inherently good or bad. sometimes performing is for fun and sometimes it's not. a lot of people (myself included) enjoy performing beauty with nail art because it's a cute decoration, it's a sensory pleasure to tap long nails on things, the manicure feels good. it sounds like this is not a fun performance for you!
i have naturally strong nails that i've always loved to keep long and tappable but i don't anymore because i play guitar, a choice i had to make so i could perform music instead. i bought a set of reusable press-ons in my favorite color for when the urge comes.
thanks for the reflection and i hope you are feeling loved 💜
This share was real, raw, funny and -so timely for me! I'm dating someone and experiencing the same exact thoughts about love and is he? and will he? and when will??... and then absolutely witnessed me ask me; why don't you say it if you're feeling it?
There is a part of me that is enjoying those feelings - the leading up to- that I'm relishing in and don't want to rush. There is also a small part of me that is 'cowardish' and even that is fun to witness.
Lastly, thank you for all your work. I appreciate you ❤️
I'm not sure if you've seen YouTuber Mina Le's video that posted yesterday, but something about the title -- "Deadly Cosmetic Myths and the Lies of 'Clean Beauty' Marketing" -- makes me think she might be reading your newsletter?? 👀👀
My heart goes out to you, for all the men I pined for that didn’t give me what I needed. I’m not going to say something jerky like let him go till you ... garbage. He’s filling a need and giving what you need somehow. Ever the wrecked romantic, we look till we can scratch an itch we have and try as we go. As far as the manicure goes? I had a tragic one where my nails were pretty ruined. To be clear, my usual place was closed and I got what I got because I was “desperate”. Our drama is the enemy.
Yikes! I mean this relationship is still working out beautifully and I really don't think my writing implied not being treated well? A man not being ready to say "i love you" at the exact moment I am ready to say "i love you" is not a bad thing or indicative of an unmet need... it's just the natural progression of a relationship I think? In any case, I didn't mean for this to read as sad or "poor me" or "no one loves me"!!! Just trying to point out the absurdity of beauty culture brain :)
Thanks for sharing this more vulnerable side of yourself. It's always good to be reminded that people we respect and admire -- for their intellect, their integrity, their values -- are sometimes subject to the same insecurities and moments of weakness as we are!
hahaha amazing. i just shaved my legs for the first time in over a year because of the extended family i’d have to see over thanksgiving. was i in pants the whole time? pretty much. was it worth it?? i have no clue!
I got warm on thanksgiving, and changed into a skirt. did i hear an uncle making a comment about me having shaved just quiet enough to plead innocent but just loud enough that he knew i’d hear it? yes. i ignored him but like...i knew my hairy legs bothered you people!! even though they do not bother me okay!
Then there were all the comments about how i “look so good!!” aka I’m smaller than i was last year but ppl i was healthy at both weights! and you haven’t seen me in months why not ask me about something interesting!! i was polite in those sTuPid conversations but have been yelling at them in my head ever since!!! maybe i’ll write an angry letter post of my rant this week 🫠🥲 I still think about that amazing one you wrote to your grandpa and posted😫👏🏼
i think a letter is a fantastic idea. also: ok creepy uncle !!!
God this essay was good and funny!! Love really is like that. Not necessarily related to love, but I can’t tell you how many times I used to feel off because I put in a ton of effort and did all the ~beauty standards~ and like. . . absolutely nothing happened. Not a damn thing.
thank you! i know exactlyyy what you mean
I remember doing “spells” with mud and flower petals as a little girl. Feels like the beauty industry co-opted that witchy impulse to sell me petroleum.
This so real - I am not embarrassed to admit I thought I summoned the god Apollo with an expertly cast divination spell at the age of 12
I've felt this feeling, loving someone so much that it soaks into every part of your life and becomes heavy and hurts not to say it or be told in return. I have no wisdom, just compassion. You deserve love!
Lol I also just love to yearn! Yearning is one of the great human experiences!!
Yearning is glorious! It’s like starring in a French movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qgpewMCVjs
There’s a reason the best Disney “I want” song is “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid, a musical distillation of yearning
Just say the word and my sisters and I will avenge you ;)
lol thank youuu :) no avenging necessary (yet)!!
We will be on call!! But also, this story was relatable in the sense that I got a specific ear piercing in college because I thought it would signal a guy to finally fall in love with me. Didn't work 🤷♀️
lol ah, the things we do!
This really resonates. We convince ourselves that beauty can be an armor and keep us safe or make us as charming as we're told it makes us. . . and alas. I have some nail polish at home, but I haven't painted my nails in a year. . . don't know when/if I'll ever start again.
How nice that you are in love. I believe love turn your hormones north into your brain where those who like and love you chalk these little acts of craziness up to being in love.
Take advantage of this time and forgive yourself all acts that are normally foreign to you. And remember, loving someone makes you naturally beautiful!
it is very nice to be in love! although i don't think it has much to do with physical beauty, "natural" or not
I know you didn’t ask but can I share! Jojoba oil, one of your mistresses, has always retrieved my nails from nail salon visits. I simply cannot go without them becoming weaker, either! So I just... don’t go anymore. Thanks for teaching me that (obvious) lesson btw. I learned from “the salon life” on YouTube last year, about strengthening my nails so they’d stop painfully breaking. While the channel does support the beauty labor of “clean pretty nails” it has honestly gotten me to finally be polish-free, albeit with “pretty” nails, while also greatly increasing the strength of my nails! Side note, I overused jojoba oil on my hands when first learning about its amazing strengthening properties and my skin started ITCHING if I didn’t reapply constantly. I had to taper off to 1x a day. Reaaalllyyy honed in a lot of your articles about leaving our skin TF alone. Anyway! Thanks for sharing and also making other cowards feel less alone! You’re loved from all of us!
i use jojoba as a cuticle oil too! the best
I bit all of the nail polish off of my wedding manicure on the three hour ride to the venue. I really wanted sparkly gold nails and my mom insisted on a boring pink. That was 5.5 years ago and I havent had another since, and only partly because i also love a man who does not care how my nails look.
I feel that footnote so hard lmao
I totally knackered my nails having a manicure because I saw everyone else around me with one. I’ve been polish free since... I love my naked nails and won’t be going back!
I love this, and you, and I have also done that to my nails and chewed it off in under a week. Your writing is so powerful, and beautiful- just like you. (also, the postscript made me lol).
<3 <3 <3
I ditto Tracy’s comment. I read you because you open up and tell truths. But I’m starting to believe it’s ok to do things for self confidence. As an aging woman, it’s definitely about my neck, as Nora Ephron said, but it’s also about my crooked lower teeth that have relaxed just like everything else in my body. And it’s about my hair color fading and yes, my aging hands. So if I splurge on a good manicure and pedicure, and someone massages my legs and arms, and I don’t have to worry about chipped nails, I feel more confident and forget about my neck!
For sure, and I don't feel like I'm saying "It's bad that I did this, no one should indulge in beauty ever" or anything like that. I just wanted to highlight the absurdity of why I did what I did and the gap between what I wanted and what it got me? Maybe I need to be more clear in making fun of myself lol. I'm worried everyone reads my little personal essays (which I think are funny and a touch absurd) as sad and/or scolding!!
This share was real, raw, funny and -so timely for me! I'm dating someone and experiencing the same exact thoughts about love and is he? and will he? and when will??... and then absolutely witnessed me ask me; why don't you say it if you're feeling it?
There is a part of me that is enjoying those feelings - the leading up to- that I'm relishing in and don't want to rush. There is also a small part of me that is 'cowardish' and even that is fun to witness.
Lastly, thank you for all your work. I appreciate you ❤️
i agree, there's a big part of that pre-love anticipation that's nice/thrilling/makes life worth living!!
You are perfectly clear! I get it! ❤️
This feeling here. I’m constantly making fun of myself in a way I find funny, ridiculous, full of appreciation and compassion for myself, and making absolutely no commentary on other people’s choices. But there’s inevitably one or two comments that feel like pity, offer advice for the thing I’m teasing in myself that I actually like, or think I’m laughing at anyone other than myself. I’ve deleted many a post because humorous, loving self-deprecation is my general mood and it embarrasses me when I’m read as serious or needing reassurance. I think the takeaway for me is that I can be as clear as I’m capable of, and I can still be misread. I love your writing. I always feel so seen!
i was thinking the other day about what it means to perform gender and perform beauty, and thinking that the act of performing is not inherently good or bad. sometimes performing is for fun and sometimes it's not. a lot of people (myself included) enjoy performing beauty with nail art because it's a cute decoration, it's a sensory pleasure to tap long nails on things, the manicure feels good. it sounds like this is not a fun performance for you!
i have naturally strong nails that i've always loved to keep long and tappable but i don't anymore because i play guitar, a choice i had to make so i could perform music instead. i bought a set of reusable press-ons in my favorite color for when the urge comes.
thanks for the reflection and i hope you are feeling loved 💜
This share was real, raw, funny and -so timely for me! I'm dating someone and experiencing the same exact thoughts about love and is he? and will he? and when will??... and then absolutely witnessed me ask me; why don't you say it if you're feeling it?
There is a part of me that is enjoying those feelings - the leading up to- that I'm relishing in and don't want to rush. There is also a small part of me that is 'cowardish' and even that is fun to witness.
Lastly, thank you for all your work. I appreciate you ❤️
I'm not sure if you've seen YouTuber Mina Le's video that posted yesterday, but something about the title -- "Deadly Cosmetic Myths and the Lies of 'Clean Beauty' Marketing" -- makes me think she might be reading your newsletter?? 👀👀
My heart goes out to you, for all the men I pined for that didn’t give me what I needed. I’m not going to say something jerky like let him go till you ... garbage. He’s filling a need and giving what you need somehow. Ever the wrecked romantic, we look till we can scratch an itch we have and try as we go. As far as the manicure goes? I had a tragic one where my nails were pretty ruined. To be clear, my usual place was closed and I got what I got because I was “desperate”. Our drama is the enemy.
Yikes! I mean this relationship is still working out beautifully and I really don't think my writing implied not being treated well? A man not being ready to say "i love you" at the exact moment I am ready to say "i love you" is not a bad thing or indicative of an unmet need... it's just the natural progression of a relationship I think? In any case, I didn't mean for this to read as sad or "poor me" or "no one loves me"!!! Just trying to point out the absurdity of beauty culture brain :)
All I could think was you went to a chop shop, not a nail salon! It's not normal to have those results from any kind of nails.
I mean it's been fairly normal for me from the ages of about 15 - 34, with some variation, but not much