I've started to see how old I look, feel, and chronologically am as final and non-negotiable, with only one answer: my age. If I am 41, I look and feel 41. However I look and feel, is by definition how my current age looks and feels. Every attempt to finesse some idea that I look or feel a different age (which obviously would need to be younger, not older) is just ageism and misogyny.
I've started to see how old I look, feel, and chronologically am as final and non-negotiable, with only one answer: my age. If I am 41, I look and feel 41. However I look and feel, is by definition how my current age looks and feels. Every attempt to finesse some idea that I look or feel a different age (which obviously would need to be younger, not older) is just ageism and misogyny.
Our 40s is such a great time. Once we cross 50 and hormones change (or whatever age it might be when that happens), there's a sudden shift our skin. It almost feels as if it happens overnight. One day, you look different (or that's how it feels). I just turned 54. I have let my gray grow in, there's no Botox so the crow's feet dance and brow lines furrow. I'm not pretending to be anything other than who I am, and the age I am. But I certainly don't feel 54. It's a weird delineation. I don't feel like that much time has gone by. I feel like I'm just getting started. And maybe that's a fine way to feel at my age. But how I feel inside/energy-wise and how I appear don't always jibe for me. And that's my sh*t to deal with. I call it Reverse Puberty because it's not that different than what we go through as teens. You are becoming a new version of you, and that brings on a lot of feelings and questions and curiosity. I love that you're embracing it as non-negotiable and standing in your age. That is wonderful. For me, it's more existential than ageist or misogynist. xo
Yes, I agree that it seems to happen quickly. For me, the demarcation line was after the pandemic began, which was exacerbated by the inability to go to the gym, dance classes, or other wellness activities due to pandemic restrictions. My confidence has decreased exponentially over the past two years as I enter my late 50s. Although I have not sought out fillers/botox, primarily out of concern about an undesirable outcome, I would love to erase the accelerated aging that the pandemic caused and to have my self confidence back again. It is all so cyclical it seems - I was considered ugly in high school then really attractive in my 20s/30s/40s and now it's heading back down to unattractive once more. Yet I'm still me on the inside. I think that one reason that the physical changes can be so troubling is the level of ageism, particularly directed at women, in the workplace. I think there's a real economic impact involved for women as they age and a real economic incentive to mitigate the aging process to appear younger and more relevant just to stay employed and to have a voice at work.
Who told you you were ugly as a kid and again now? Who are you competing with on the beauty scale? I am sure that the narrative you are scripting is only one truth and maybe not yours. I don't see women with fillers and shiny faces as beautiful because as humans we are imperfect and how are we defined on the outside if not by our blemishes and wonkiness? My tip: look in the mirror less. It's always shocking to me bc what I look like in my head is different to what I see in the mirror. I have more confidence when I believe I am beautiful without checking if it is true in the mirror.
I was barked at in high school by one student and called ugly by other students at different times, Nat, so I grew up feeling very unattractive. Once I started wearing contact lenses and dressing nicer in college, I started being treated differently. At present, no one has said that I am unattractive directly so that may just be my narrative. Your suggestion is a good one and I appreciate it. Thank you for responding to my comment.
Yes! Similarly, I dislike when people use the word тАЬoldтАЭ to mean anything other than a statement of oneтАЩs age- ie biologically closer to deaths than teenager-hood. тАЬOldтАЭ should NOT mean boring, close-minded, incapable or any other negative connotation. To me, saying IтАЩm old should not tell you more about me, my personality, interests, capabilities, mental curiosity, etc than my eye color. Old is a biological fact not a personality trait.
IтАЩve started using тАЬdustyтАЭ instead of saying something is old or tiredЁЯдг (ex.: тАЬmisogyny is so dustyтАЭ) I def picked this up from the youth, and maybe itтАЩs not really divorced from anti-human-aging concepts but hopefully itтАЩs a little better
Perfect! I used to look really young for my age and when people would say "wow, you don't look thirty" I'd say, "this is exactly what 30 looks like" because it literally is. I'm 42 now, and I went through a tough period of feeling like I suddenly looked so old and tired, but then I made myself do a brain shift every time I felt bad for looking 'old', I thought "would I want to lose all the experiences of the last 12 years, between 30 and 42? Marriage, step-motherhood, adoption, my career taking off, stopping giving a shit? Hell no! Those lines signify my journey into badassery and not giving fucks. This IS how 42 looks and I need to start loving feeling 42, because that thirty year old was still such a wimp, and she hadn't found love or become a parent or bossed her career! We all need to start worshipping the signs of age and wisdom. *cue: huge push by the beauty industry to give you cosmetically enhanced wrinkles liver spots and grey hair*
I've started to see how old I look, feel, and chronologically am as final and non-negotiable, with only one answer: my age. If I am 41, I look and feel 41. However I look and feel, is by definition how my current age looks and feels. Every attempt to finesse some idea that I look or feel a different age (which obviously would need to be younger, not older) is just ageism and misogyny.
Our 40s is such a great time. Once we cross 50 and hormones change (or whatever age it might be when that happens), there's a sudden shift our skin. It almost feels as if it happens overnight. One day, you look different (or that's how it feels). I just turned 54. I have let my gray grow in, there's no Botox so the crow's feet dance and brow lines furrow. I'm not pretending to be anything other than who I am, and the age I am. But I certainly don't feel 54. It's a weird delineation. I don't feel like that much time has gone by. I feel like I'm just getting started. And maybe that's a fine way to feel at my age. But how I feel inside/energy-wise and how I appear don't always jibe for me. And that's my sh*t to deal with. I call it Reverse Puberty because it's not that different than what we go through as teens. You are becoming a new version of you, and that brings on a lot of feelings and questions and curiosity. I love that you're embracing it as non-negotiable and standing in your age. That is wonderful. For me, it's more existential than ageist or misogynist. xo
Yes, I agree that it seems to happen quickly. For me, the demarcation line was after the pandemic began, which was exacerbated by the inability to go to the gym, dance classes, or other wellness activities due to pandemic restrictions. My confidence has decreased exponentially over the past two years as I enter my late 50s. Although I have not sought out fillers/botox, primarily out of concern about an undesirable outcome, I would love to erase the accelerated aging that the pandemic caused and to have my self confidence back again. It is all so cyclical it seems - I was considered ugly in high school then really attractive in my 20s/30s/40s and now it's heading back down to unattractive once more. Yet I'm still me on the inside. I think that one reason that the physical changes can be so troubling is the level of ageism, particularly directed at women, in the workplace. I think there's a real economic impact involved for women as they age and a real economic incentive to mitigate the aging process to appear younger and more relevant just to stay employed and to have a voice at work.
Who told you you were ugly as a kid and again now? Who are you competing with on the beauty scale? I am sure that the narrative you are scripting is only one truth and maybe not yours. I don't see women with fillers and shiny faces as beautiful because as humans we are imperfect and how are we defined on the outside if not by our blemishes and wonkiness? My tip: look in the mirror less. It's always shocking to me bc what I look like in my head is different to what I see in the mirror. I have more confidence when I believe I am beautiful without checking if it is true in the mirror.
I was barked at in high school by one student and called ugly by other students at different times, Nat, so I grew up feeling very unattractive. Once I started wearing contact lenses and dressing nicer in college, I started being treated differently. At present, no one has said that I am unattractive directly so that may just be my narrative. Your suggestion is a good one and I appreciate it. Thank you for responding to my comment.
The Atlantic recently published an article on this. It's a bizarre and very real phenomenon. I'm already feeling this gap in my late 30s. It's wild. With you on the existential plane. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2023/04/subjective-age-how-old-you-feel-difference/673086/
You might like the Oldster Magazine newsletter if you haven't checked it out yet!! Every issue is about this exact phenomenon basically.
Yes! Similarly, I dislike when people use the word тАЬoldтАЭ to mean anything other than a statement of oneтАЩs age- ie biologically closer to deaths than teenager-hood. тАЬOldтАЭ should NOT mean boring, close-minded, incapable or any other negative connotation. To me, saying IтАЩm old should not tell you more about me, my personality, interests, capabilities, mental curiosity, etc than my eye color. Old is a biological fact not a personality trait.
IтАЩve started using тАЬdustyтАЭ instead of saying something is old or tiredЁЯдг (ex.: тАЬmisogyny is so dustyтАЭ) I def picked this up from the youth, and maybe itтАЩs not really divorced from anti-human-aging concepts but hopefully itтАЩs a little better
Perfect! I used to look really young for my age and when people would say "wow, you don't look thirty" I'd say, "this is exactly what 30 looks like" because it literally is. I'm 42 now, and I went through a tough period of feeling like I suddenly looked so old and tired, but then I made myself do a brain shift every time I felt bad for looking 'old', I thought "would I want to lose all the experiences of the last 12 years, between 30 and 42? Marriage, step-motherhood, adoption, my career taking off, stopping giving a shit? Hell no! Those lines signify my journey into badassery and not giving fucks. This IS how 42 looks and I need to start loving feeling 42, because that thirty year old was still such a wimp, and she hadn't found love or become a parent or bossed her career! We all need to start worshipping the signs of age and wisdom. *cue: huge push by the beauty industry to give you cosmetically enhanced wrinkles liver spots and grey hair*
I agree with you, Rosalie.